In fifteen years of creating funeral stationery, one thing has become clear to us: the families who take the time to personalise a funeral almost always feel better about it afterwards. Not because personalisation makes grief easier — nothing does — but because it means the day truly belonged to the person. It felt like them.
A generic service, however well-organised, can leave families with a quiet sense that something was missing. A personal one — even if only a few small details distinguish it — tends to feel right in a way that is hard to articulate but immediately felt.
What personalisation actually means
Personalisation does not have to be grand or unusual. It does not require an unconventional venue or an elaborate production. It can be as simple as a photograph taken in a place they loved on the front of the order of service, or a piece of music the whole room associates with them. It can be guests asked to wear a colour rather than conventional black. A reading from a book that mattered to the person. A single detail that signals to everyone present: we knew this person, and we are saying goodbye to them specifically.
But sometimes it is grander. And when it is, it is unforgettable.
The final journey
One of the most visible expressions of personalisation is how the person makes their final journey to the service. Funeral directors across the UK — including many we have worked with — are increasingly accommodating requests that go well beyond the traditional hearse.
A Volkswagen campervan instead of a hearse, for someone who spent their life travelling or whose happiest memories were of summers on the road. A motorbike hearse — a motorcycle with a sidecar-style coffin carriage — for a lifelong biker. A horse-drawn carriage, moving slowly through streets the person knew, for someone who loved horses or who simply deserved the pace and ceremony of it.
None of these are common. But each one, when it is right for the person, creates a moment that everyone who witnesses it remembers. Talk to your funeral director early if you are considering something like this — the lead time and logistics vary considerably.
A story that illustrates the point
In 2013, Mildred Knecht — whose husband Cliff had spent his life travelling and had a particular love of the sea — placed his ashes in a bottle along with a note, a photograph and some dollar bills, and released it from a cruise ship into the Atlantic. The bottle washed ashore in Maryland, was found by a stranger who read the note and called the family, and was then resealed and sent on again.
The story was reported widely at the time and captured something that resonates: the most fitting farewells are the ones that could only have been right for that particular person. Mildred did not choose a conventional farewell because it was expected. She chose one that reflected who Cliff was and what he loved. The bottle is still travelling.
Music
Music is one of the most immediate ways to make a funeral feel personal. A song that the whole room associates with the person — one that played at their wedding, or that they always put on in the car — creates a moment that a generically “appropriate” piece of music simply cannot. We have written separate guides to popular funeral songs and to hymns and classical music if you are working through the options.
The venue and the atmosphere
For many families, the crematorium or church is fixed — practical considerations of location, cost and availability often determine the venue. But where there is flexibility, some families choose somewhere that meant something to the person: a village hall, a private garden, a room above a pub where they spent many good evenings.
The atmosphere inside can be shaped even when the venue cannot be changed. Flowers that reflect something they loved. Photographs displayed at the entrance. A table of objects that were part of their life — a fishing rod, a gardening hat, a favourite book, a pair of boots. These are small things, but they change how a room feels before anyone has said a word.
Inviting the congregation to participate
Some families invite guests to participate in the personalisation of the day. Asking people to wear a colour the person loved rather than black can transform the appearance of a room and the mood within it. A message board for guests to write a memory or a word. A space for people to leave flowers, notes or photographs. A moment in the service where anyone who wants to speak can do so briefly.
These things require some thought and some organisation, but they shift the service from something that happens to the congregation to something the congregation is part of.
The order of service
The order of service is often where the most personal decisions come together in a single document. The photograph on the cover — sometimes the hardest choice of all. The biography inside: a life condensed into a few paragraphs, written by someone who loved the person. The design: a theme built around something they cared about rather than a stock template.
People take the order of service home. They keep it. They come across it years later and it brings the person straight back. It is worth treating it with the same care as the rest of the day.
For more inspiration, see our guide to creative funeral ideas, our article on hymns and classical music for a funeral, and our design gallery for examples of what we have created.
At Fitting Farewell, every order of service is designed around the individual — from the first conversation about the person to the final proof. We typically design, print and deliver within three working days. If you would like to talk through what you have in mind, call us free on 0800 612 6484 or send us a message.
