Writing a eulogy can feel daunting — the pressure to find the right words for the most important speech you may ever give. But a eulogy does not need to be perfect in any formal sense. It needs to be true. It needs to feel like the person. Here is a practical guide to help you get started.
What a eulogy is for
A eulogy is a spoken tribute delivered as part of the funeral service. It gives everyone gathered the chance to hear about the life — the childhood, the character, the passions, the relationships, the things that made the person who they were. A good eulogy will make people smile and cry in equal measure. It should feel like the person being remembered: not a formal CV, but a genuine portrait.
Start with the person, not the structure
Before you think about how to write it, spend time thinking about them. Write down words that come to mind when you picture them. Think about the stories that always get told at family gatherings — the ones everyone knows, the ones that capture something essential. Then ask others: a sibling, a work colleague, someone who knew them at a different stage of their life. The best material in a eulogy often comes from people outside the immediate family, who knew a different side of the person.
Useful questions to ask people:
- What is your strongest memory of them?
- What would you want someone who never met them to know?
- What made them laugh?
- What did they care most about?
What to include
A eulogy works well when it moves through the life in some kind of order — not rigidly chronological, but with a sense of the journey:
- Where and when they were born — a glimpse of the world they came into
- Family: parents, siblings, their own children and grandchildren
- Their character — what they were actually like, not just their achievements
- A specific story or memory that captures who they were
- What they were proud of and what they loved
- Something of how they will be remembered by those in the room
If there were difficult times — adversity faced and overcome — these often say more about character than the successes alone. Do not avoid them.
What to leave out
A eulogy is not the place for inside jokes that only three people in the room will understand. It is not a comprehensive list of every job held, every award received, every committee served on. Avoid anything that requires long explanation to land, or that might make a significant part of the room feel excluded. And resist the urge to be comprehensive — a eulogy that tries to say everything often conveys nothing as strongly as one that says a few things very well.
On humour
Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful — it is one of the most human things that can happen in a room. A story that makes people laugh and then immediately catches in the throat is one of the most powerful moments a eulogy can contain. The test is whether the humour feels true to the person: a joke they would have told, a habit everyone recognised, something that belonged specifically to them. Humour that comes from love works. Humour that comes from the desire to lighten the room usually does not.
How long should it be?
Most eulogies run between five and ten minutes when spoken aloud. A printed page of A4 takes roughly two to three minutes to read. Write more than you think you need, then edit back — it is easier to cut than to fill. Practise reading it aloud; the timing will surprise you, and you will hear the sentences that are too long and the places where the rhythm feels wrong.
On the day
Have the full text with you, even if you intend to speak from memory. Tell the celebrant or minister in advance that they can step in if emotion becomes too much — knowing that support is there is usually enough to carry you through. Many people find they manage more easily on the day than they expected. Reading a eulogy is one of the most loving things you will ever do for someone.
Including the eulogy in the order of service
Some families choose to print the eulogy — or a significant passage from it — in the order of service. This means the words are not lost after the day: people can read them again, share them, keep them. It is worth discussing with whoever is delivering it whether they are happy for the text to be printed. When the eulogy is particularly well-written, preserving it in the order of service is one of the most enduring things the family can do.
You may also find our article on funeral readings useful when planning the rest of the service.
When you are ready to talk about the order of service, call us free on 0800 612 6484 or send us a message.
