Pre-planning a funeral is something few of us think about until we are confronted with the task of arranging someone else’s. But leaving clear instructions about what you want is one of the kindest things you can do for the people who love you — it spares them from making difficult decisions at the worst possible time, and it means the service truly reflects who you were.
This guide covers the practical steps worth taking, and why each of them matters.
Why it matters
In the immediate days after a death, families are grieving and managing a great deal simultaneously. When there are no instructions about the person’s wishes — burial or cremation, religious or secular, music, readings, specific requests — the family must make those choices themselves, often under time pressure and with different members holding different views.
Pre-planning removes that uncertainty. It gives the family the comfort of knowing they are carrying out your wishes rather than guessing at them. And it means the day genuinely belongs to you.
What to include in your funeral wishes
You do not need to plan every detail. Even a clear statement of the things that matter most to you can make an enormous difference. Consider recording your preferences on:
- Burial or cremation — and, if burial, whether you have a preference for location
- Type of service — religious, humanist, civil, or informal celebration of life
- Music — any pieces you would want played, or specifically would not want
- Readings — a poem, a passage, something personal to you
- Who you would want to speak — a family member, a friend, a celebrant
- Flowers or charitable donations in lieu of flowers
- Any specific wishes about the coffin, the venue, the wake
If there are things you feel strongly about — music you would find upsetting, a venue you would hate, a particular person you would not want involved — write those down too. Knowing what someone didn’t want can be as important as knowing what they did.
Where to record your wishes
Write your wishes down and give a copy to someone who will be involved in organising the funeral. This is important: do not rely solely on your will. Wills are frequently not read until after the funeral has already taken place — meaning wishes recorded only there may come too late to act on.
A letter kept with your important documents, or a conversation followed up in writing and shared with a trusted family member, is far more likely to be acted upon. If you have a pre-paid funeral plan, make sure at least one person close to you knows it exists and where the documentation is held.
Putting your documents in order
Taking time to organise your important documents is a separate but equally valuable act. Life insurance policies, pension documents, bank account details, property deeds, mortgage papers — keeping these in one accessible place, with a trusted family member aware of where they are, means they will not be lost or overlooked in the aftermath of a death.
A surprising amount of money goes unclaimed every year simply because families did not know it existed. A simple folder — physical or digital — with a note explaining what is where can make an enormous practical difference to those left behind.
If you have not made a will, or yours has not been updated in several years, it is worth taking proper legal advice. The cost of preparing a straightforward will is modest compared to the complications that can arise without one. If you have specific wishes about particular possessions — items of sentimental value as much as financial value — recording these clearly, whether in the will or in a separate letter of wishes, prevents misunderstandings later.
Pre-paid funeral plans
A pre-paid funeral plan allows you to arrange and pay for your funeral at today’s prices, protecting your family from future cost increases. Plans are available through most funeral directors and through independent providers.
Since July 2022, all pre-paid funeral plan providers in the UK must be authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. Before committing to any plan, check that the provider is FCA-registered — the FCA maintains a public register you can search online.
Pre-planning your order of service
One thing that is rarely discussed — but which some families find deeply meaningful — is planning the order of service in advance.
Over the years, a small number of clients have come to us specifically for this reason. They wanted to design and approve their own order of service while they were able to, so that their children or partner would not have to carry that task on their death. They chose the photographs, the design, the wording. They made decisions about what they wanted included and what they did not. And when the time came, their family had a print-ready PDF on file — ready to go to print without anyone having to make those choices under pressure.
It is not something many people do. But for those who have done it, the response from their families has been one of profound relief and gratitude. Knowing that the order of service was exactly what the person wanted — chosen by them, not guessed at — is a quiet comfort that matters.
If this is something you would like to explore, we are happy to work with you on it at whatever pace suits you. The result is a fully designed, print-ready document that you file with your other important papers. Your family simply contacts us when the time comes, and we take it from there.
A practical checklist
If you are working through this for the first time, here is a simple starting point:
- Write down your key funeral wishes and give a copy to a trusted person
- Ensure your will is current and that your executor knows where it is
- Gather important documents in one accessible place
- Check whether you have any life insurance or pension death benefits, and that the right people are nominated
- If considering a pre-paid funeral plan, verify the provider is FCA-authorised
- Consider pre-planning your order of service, if that would bring you or your family peace of mind
We are here if we can help
You may also find our guides to how to plan a funeral and managing your digital legacy useful when thinking ahead.
If you would like to discuss pre-planning your order of service or funeral stationery, we are happy to talk it through with you. There is no obligation and no pressure. Call us free on 0800 612 6484 or send us a message at any time.
