Christmas can be one of the hardest times of year when someone you love is no longer with you. The warmth and togetherness of the season — the expectation of it — can feel at odds with the grief you are carrying. The empty chair is more visible at Christmas than at any other time of year. The person who always made it feel like Christmas is the one who is not there.
There is no formula for getting through it. But there are things that help, and there are places to go.
Christmas remembrance services
Many funeral directors, hospices, churches and bereavement charities hold Christmas remembrance services in December — quiet, purposeful gatherings where families who have been bereaved are invited to come together and remember. These services are typically non-denominational and open to anyone, regardless of when the bereavement occurred. They offer something that is genuinely rare in December: a moment of stillness that holds both grief and warmth at the same time.
We attend one such service each year, organised by one of the funeral directors we work with closely. A local choir and celebrants from nearby churches come together in a beautifully decorated space. Candles are lit. Carols are sung. Names are read aloud — each one met with a particular quality of silence. It is a ceremony that manages something difficult: it gives grief its proper place without extinguishing the warmth of the season around it.
Finding a service near you
Your local funeral director is the best starting point. Many organise their own December services; those who do not will usually know of others in the area. Hospices — particularly those affiliated with Marie Curie or Sue Ryder — often run remembrance events that are open to the wider community, not just the families of people who were in their care. Local churches frequently hold services of remembrance or memorial Carol services through December, many of which welcome everyone regardless of faith.
Services are usually held in the first two or three weeks of December, before Christmas itself. A quick search for “[your town] Christmas remembrance service” or a call to your local funeral director will usually locate one quickly.
What to expect when you attend
Christmas remembrance services are typically short — an hour or less. You do not need to bring anything. Where candles, tokens or remembrance cards are used, they are provided. There is no obligation to participate in any specific activity or to speak to anyone. You are welcome simply to be present.
After the service, there is often an opportunity to stay and talk quietly with others who understand. Many families find this the most valuable part of the evening — not the ceremony itself, but the conversation afterwards with people who are carrying the same thing.
Personal ways to remember at Christmas
Services are not for everyone. Some families prefer to mark the occasion privately, in ways that feel right for them. There is no wrong approach. These are some of the things families do:
- Light a candle — at a particular time on Christmas Day, or on Christmas Eve. A simple ritual that gives the moment an intention.
- Set a place at the table — not everyone finds this helpful, but for families where it matters, it is a way of saying the person belongs at Christmas even in their absence.
- Visit a memorial or grave — particularly if the person loved a particular place, or if the family wants to mark the occasion somewhere meaningful.
- Share memories — telling stories at Christmas, deliberately and with time made for it, rather than letting the absence go unacknowledged. The stories do not have to be sad ones.
- Create a playlist — the music the person loved, gathered together and played at the wake or shared with family members who couldn’t be there. A QR code on a printed card means people can find it and return to it in their own time.
A printed keepsake for Christmas
Some families use Christmas as an occasion to share something with wider family — a photograph of the person, a short memorial card, a small printed keepsake that can be kept or passed between relatives who are scattered and unable to gather. It is a way of including people and marking the season together, even from a distance.
If that is something that would be useful, we are happy to help. Call us free on 0800 612 6484 or send us a message and we can talk through what might work.
